Week 6.
This week I have been listening to a podcast about TIME. It was so fascinating as the storyteller talked about how, throughout our lives, time has primarily been based on how much we can fit in vs. what we can experience together.
As I thought about that, I realized that most of my life has been a race around the clock. I have taken pride in cramming in so many projects and tasks into one day, as if falling into bed completely exhausted checked off some "hero" box in the sky. I never won any medals, I'm not the nicest when I am overly busy, and yet, it somehow fueled my desire to still race, race, race. I have been chronically late my whole life. Not because I'm negligent or lazy, but because I'm trying to cram in one more thing before I have to head out the door.
The podcast continued with a tongue in cheek comment, saying "the quarantine is mother nature's way of sending us to our rooms to think about what we've done."
I laughed at first when I heard that, and then I felt like the floor fell out from underneath me. It's been hard to look at my life now vs. my life then (as in 6 weeks ago). I'm way more calm. There's less fighting among my kids. We are never stuck in traffic, we eat all our meals together (and what feels like 17 extra snacks in a day). We go for a daily family walk around the neighborhood, we have epically failed at making slime, we are playing board games together and laughing a whole lot more. I'm also not late for anything.
It feels like the Universe is gifting us this opportunity to focus on being less busy and more thoughtful. Less "running late" and more peaceful. Less scattered and more focused. And, yes, it feels like we all might go stir crazy at times, but this pause in the Universe sure feels like the "time out" I really deserved (and not because of my good behavior). ;)
Of course I do want to acknowledge the immense suffering in our world as well. This is a time of collective grieving. We HAVE to take time for ourselves to process what is happening. And just because Home Depot's parking lot is full of people finally getting all their DIY projects crossed off their lists, it's ok if you are just trying to breathe. It's ok if you are feeling sad and a little paralyzed as you navigate your time. It's ok to just sit down in the middle of the day and have a cup of tea.
It feels to me like time will be defined as pre-and post-coronavirus after all this. And while we are still in the middle, I'm being reminded that we have the same amount of hours in the day now as we did before. I never would have known that I had turned into a human DOING instead of a human BEING without this gift of time.
Thanks for spending your precious time on our kids and helping them navigate their worlds as well. You are appreciated!
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